First boyfriend…what keeps me holding on?

Posted 5 days, 6 hours ago at 6:28 pm.
1 comment

I love my ex boyfriend or whatever we are. He just left for the Army Basic and Advanced training and we’ve had a couple of very difficult months. Thing is, I met someone. Someone wonderful, full of life and love to give. But somehow I can’t let my ex go, obviously a factor in this is all we’ve been through plus I live with my grandparents and either way they wouldn’t allow me to have another boyfriend…and much less so soon. See, my ex and I were broken up since September but we were pretty much together in an odd way. And I met this guy on December 5th at a party. We didn’t expect to like each other but these things just happen. And my ex has disappointed me a lot in the past, but I’ve let him down as well. Suddenly I find myself wondering if I’m holding more because of love or because of being used to being with him? Is actually rejecting anyone else and just waiting for things with him to work actually the easy way out? I mean…he knows almost everything about me, we’ve been together for 3 years. I love him but he’s changed a lot, he promises he’ll be better than ever when he’s back but I’m scared. What if I’m wrong and someone will make me happier then he ever can? Then I think, will someone try as hard as my ex to try to make me happy? Because maybe someone can make me happier but doesn’t really give a lot in relationship. What if holding on is the mistake? And if I let go…what if that will be the mistake? I wish I had a way, a signal or something to let me know what’s better for me. Well…Happy New Year to anyone who reads this!

If I know..

Posted 1 month, 3 weeks ago at 2:22 am.
1 comment

…what love is, it is because of you.

I believe this is the most honest quote existent. You know love because someone has taught you (or made you) love. Every form of love, family love, romantic love, puppy love, friend love, summer love, in conclusion… every kind of love there is. I have never thought about it this way, and now that I did I realize so many people have taught me love. It’s amazing, I owe it to a couple of people that I’ve experienced one of the best feelings in the world. Of course I’m yet to know more types¹ but still, I’ve learned so many in such short years. And yet, I ask myself…why have a I never thanked these people for giving me this precious gift? Why have I not realized what they’ve done until this moment? Is it possible people have gone through their whole lives without ever realizing this– or worse yet, realizing it but not thanking the people who did it for them?

I suppose this post will lead me to thank quite a few people, even if it is indirectly. Even if it’s just hoping they’ll read this one day.

1. Like the love my child will give me. [↩]

Things that will never be said

Posted 3 months, 2 weeks ago at 11:03 pm.
1 comment

I think almost every human being had stopped him/herself from saying something some point in their lives. What they omit may be an “I love you”, but it also can be an “I hate you”. I’ve realized I’ve omitted too many things in my life, but some really are for the better. For example, sometimes in life you fall in love with someone who clearly will never treat you how you deserve but you just can’t help yourself. It’s your weakness, the way that person melts your heart when you speak. It’s shocking how someone’s smile can light up your day– or maybe even your whole week! It’s marvelous…and painful at the same time. You have to shut up about it, even if it drives you crazy. Even if you have to write letters you’ll never send, and think of ways to say things you’ll never dare to speak. But in life you have to be faithful to two main things, those you say and those you don’t. Choose wisely each time you to decide to do one or another, because you’ll have to live with the “what if..?” for the rest of your days, unless you’re lucky enough to try it again.