Dear Boy
I thought about you today, as I do every day. I looked at my left hand and pictured my ring back on it while I flashed a smile thinking about us engaged to be married soon. Consequently, I thought back to everything we’ve been through. We tainted our relationship, but our love is intact. We always said “us” was bigger and stronger than just you and me. So many times I thought that “us” was what carried us through various difficult times, which many thought impossible to overcome. We did it; we survived, and now we might not. I thought back to the initial family problems where I was considered too young to be with you, and the only time I have truly defied my family was that time — it was for you, for us. Then, to all the technical lying where you didn’t lie to me but you hid the truth. Oh! And could we forget all your blabbing that got me in trouble because people told my cousin and grandma eventually found out? The fights that arose because of your two encounters with your “platonic love.” I was so jealous. The constant fights because of our immaturity and our straying. Then came college and your decision to enlist, oh boy! That sure tore my heart apart. I tried to deal, the wrong ways I admit, but I was just trying to make sense of it. I am still deeply sorry for what we put each other through those months. I loved –love– the letters. The honest, deep, true love they carry in their words. I think it was then that I realized how in love I was, and how I angry I was to be far from you as well. It was hard, but we grew up those months. I think I grew up faster, you still have to catch up. As I write these words, I think back to the memories but in them I find our plans. What we wanted for ourselves and our family — Jacob, Nicky, Bella and Lily (and the dogs duh!). I think about the backpacking through Europe, the charity visits to poor Countries, the habitat-for-humanity plans, the shelter, the tree house, the swings, the weekend bonding, the Sunday morning breakfasts, the pancakes, the messes, the crayons, the tears, the baby’s-first-steps-on-video, the births, the pregnancies, so on and so forth. I think about our office room in the house where I would write and you would come and see how I was doing. I think about all the rejection letters I’ll get before I get an acceptance once, and all the support you said you’d give me in those times. There’s so much here that I cannot fathom it is over, because it is bigger than us. Because I am willing to leave the past in the past, I am willing to heal. I haven’t mentioned your past in a while and I honestly don’t know if you notice. I hope this time gives you the space to heal and that THAT is truly what you need. To heal so you can hold on tight once more, and forever. I know we can do this because we lived in yesterday, today and tomorrow. We just have to leave yesterday behind, and grab on to today and tomorrow.
Dear boy; I love you now and I’ll love you always but when it comes to my heart, you know I’m delicate. I’m holding on as I have been for months and I’m channeling all the strength in me into this. Don’t lose me but most importantly, don’t lose us for, honestly, what we have is not common. We are common people, many will forget us, many won’t; but together, we are a miracle. Together, we are not common. We are unforgettable. We are eternal. We are love. Don’t let this go, because most people spend their whole lives looking for a love like this and we have it.