In the midst of all this breakup discussion I’ve forgotten about what I want in a relationship, and question myself if my ex-boyfriend will/would have ever been this way with me.

I want spontaneous walks around town ending in eating ice cream and looking at the stars. I want trips to nearby tourists spots, picking flowers, picnics, taking pictures, snorkeling, backpacking, being carried, impromptu beach days, trips to parks. I want late night conversations, funny movies with popcorn, going out to fancy dinners “just because” along with unexpected single roses or tulips or romantic notes on “insignificant” days. On that note, I want no day with him to be insignificant. I want to laugh, cry and talk to/with him. I want him to read what I write and contribute with his honest opinion. I want sparks to fly and I want moments that will take my breath away. I want a man I’m proud of, someone responsible who CAN’T live without me. A guy who I know adores and treasures me and would rather lose everything he’s got before he loses me. I want a guy that will always be proud to be with me and will love me more each day. Someone who will see me in the sloppiest clothes I wear around the house with messy hair and tell me I look beautiful, and when I look into his eyes I can see it’s true. I want romance, I want to take it slow. I want kisses to mean a lot, like the first kiss means.

I honestly believe I’ve made all the big relationship mistakes I had to in this life, and I’ve grown up incredibly this past year. I’ve tried my hardest to redeem myself and I honestly do not believe I’ve ever been this ready to be in a serious relationship. I am a better person today than I was a year ago, or even a few months ago. I know what I have to give, and I know what I deserve to receive. I’m ready to be breathless, and ready to be adored like I haven’t been in a while. I’ve been struggling so much lately, I don’t remember just enjoying the happiness. I’m ready for happy. I’m ready for someone who trusts that I won’t hurt him because of how I look at him, but someone who doesn’t make me terrified of making a mistake because he won’t forgive me. I want love, consuming love that makes you want more every second. Someone who thinks it IS the end of the world to not see eachother or talk. Someone who doesn’t want to waste a single second he could spend with me. Someone who appreciates all my efforts to be in his life and blend in with everyone who is important to him.

Over everything else, I want someone who can make me believe in love again.