I made plans to go out tonight and now I’m indecisive because I don’t want to see him and he will probably be there because I found out people close to him are going there tonight. It sucks because I don’t want to see him going out because that’s what he left me for. He left me to “have fun” and figure out, by being with some other girl he’ll wait for because he won’t want the first that comes along, if I am “the one”. It breaks my heart because when I did this because we were in different countries, he would tell me that for him it was not necessary. He would always point out that he didn’t need to do this because he was so sure, and he made me feel bad for wanting to do this when he abandoned me for months. He made me feel bad about it and after I worked my ass off for us, he decides he wants the same thing. He decides he wants to waste more time we could have been together. It breaks my heart, I mean it. Because I did pick the first thing that came along because I wanted to prove I only wanted HIM. I wanted to have that evidence that I tried something else but NOTHING was like this. And to be honest, what time did I waste? I saw him frequently as soon as he came back. Sure, we weren’t a couple but we spent loads of time together. Things were not perfect, but I was sort of with him.

It’s breaking…