I wish I had my One Tree Hill DVD’s here. Meanwhile, I’ll see a YouTube video of Haley’s “Halo”. Yeah, this stupid day where you had so many plans and now you’re watching the “Princess Protection Program” and watching YouTube videos at home. Nice way it turned out. Anyhow, I’ve gotten 1 text message and it was from a friend. I called him and he didn’t answer, how surprising. I feel really shitty actually. I feel kind of lost; everything I knew is different now. My routine is completely effed up and I don’t know anything anymore. I suppose I’ll update later.

Edit:
I keep thinking he’s going to appear in front of my house with flowers and begging me to go back to him. I keep imagining him whisking me off to dinner or just to go on a ride to nowhere and talk, and say he’s so sorry for hurting me. I keep wishing he’ll come, and make everything better and the worst part is that deep inside I know it’s not happening.

Edit #2:
I was crying and talking to my grandmother and she seems to think that he probably has someone else. Or that a conversation he had with his Godfather a while a ago influenced in all this. She told me that if it was “curiosity” and he satisfies it and wants to come back, I shouldn’t welcome him. She’s right, I’ve put him through hell and he would stay. The other day we fought and I threw stuff at the door and he stayed there. What happened? What went wrong? He hasn’t even called me today and it’s 3:30pm. He just doesn’t love me and it’s horrible but the truth is, why now? If it’s trust thing he’s late. WHY NOW? I’m doing my best and NOW he’s uncertain. I don’t think my heart can take more and yes, I will try to seal this. But it won’t be easy or fast.

Edit #3:
There is a moment when hope meets reality. “I thought it was forever, I wanted it to be.” I think that’s right about it. Hope met reality and decided reality beat him. I know my feelings are forever. His weren’t. End of story.

Our story has three parts: a beginning, a middle, and an end. And although this is the way all stories unfold, I still can’t believe that ours didn’t go on forever. — Nicholas Sparks (Dear John)